Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Parenting Advice = Furious

**I did not let her actually eat that candy***

I know that I am a new mom but why do people feel the need to give me unsolicited parenting advice. Who do they think they are to tell me how I should or shouldn't parent my child.  If I make a mistake, that is my problem (so long as it does not jeopardize the safety of my child).

Here is what set me off today: Wiggle Bean is teething her top two front teeth right now and they are on the verge of breaking through.  She is a little more fussy at bed time than usual.  Last night I could not get her to sleep in her crib.  I would get her asleep in my arms but the second that I put her down, she would whimper and cry.  I tried teething tablets but they just were not the same as mommy snuggles.  So I ended up sleeping with her on the bed in her room.

I sent a text over to her daycare provider that said "How is she today? We had a rough sleeping night.  I think her teeth were bothering her?"

Daycare replied back: "She been fine, not fussy at all. She fell 2 sleep n my arms after u dropd her off."

My response: "Not surprising, she looked really sleepy in the car.  She would not sleep alone last night. Only slept if I held her.

Daycare replied: "Oh Mommy u gta stop doen that or else she gna rap u arond her fingr n i knw u wana spoil her bt that can be a mistake n certn situations"

followed by " It ok 2 let her cry, actually good 2 let her cry at times. Seriously i made the same mistake n let Alivia slp wit me at first n was hard 4 her 2 slp alone."

First off her spelling is terrible.  I understand Text speak but OMG, that is horrible. I might have to think twice about having her "teach" my daughter when she is older.

Secondly, what gives her the right to tell me I am making mistakes as a parent.  She regularly tells me that we spoil Wiggle Bean and let her get away with to much at home that she can not do at daycare.

Yes, she is an only child and probably always will be (no intentions of having more children) but she is not "spoiled" to the point she is a brat.  She is a great child and I am frequently told how well behaved she is for only being 9 1/2 months.

I have not yet responded to her parenting critiques.  I do not feel that I am calm enough to reply in a kind manner.

Am I over reacting? Is it common for daycare providers to tell you you are making parenting mistakes?  Would you be upset?


Momma Lyngheim said...

First, you are her mom, so your word is final, what you want is what is going to happen. And second, you pay the daycare lady, not the other way around, so she should just keep her thoughts to herself.

Anonymous said...

As a mother who does this herself, I think I can explain why she did it. When I hear someone making the same mistake that I did (like not putting my daughter to bed awake), I want to offer my wisdom so that mother doesn't have to learn the hard way like I did. My friends know me well enough to be able to tell me to shut up when they don't want to hear about it but I don't think it would be a good idea to tell your daycare lady to shut up.
I think your best bet is to try to just take her advice with a grain of salt. Sounds like she is trying to help but just has a bad way of delivering her message. But, I don't know her so it always comes back to how you feel about it.

Anonymous said...

I'd be a bit ticked off too. I'm not sure if I would have had the calm that you do though in not reacting to the daycare provider's comments. Honestly though, is her opinion on this really all that important? I mean, do you really care what she thinks of you on this situation? You were comforting your daughter when she was in discomfort. You were being a loving mommy. Regardless, I don't think you're overreacting, the daycare provider was out of line.

Jes said...

why the regret around helping your baby sleep? do you have to spend 20 minutes a night cuddling your child to sleep at age 5? do you think that you will look back when your child is 15 or 20 and say, "I really wish I hadn't spent so much time helping them get to sleep when they were little?"
just wondering...

Daddy Forever said...

Once a doctor told us something like that when our oldest was about one. She told us to let our child cry when we put her in the crib instead of co-sleeping. The very first time we did that, our daughter cried and cried and cried. Then she fell out of the crib when she tried to climb out.

Hobo Mama said...

Our preschool teacher is always trying to give us parenting advice, and I just let it roll off me. I figure he has a lot of opinions, but I'm the parent. That said, I'm a little concerned that this daycare provider sounds a little heartless. I don't think you're wrong to be upset. And what's up with that texting! Yipes.


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